Just recently, I was speaking with my (female) friends about one key difference between men and women: competition.
I find it not as common to support each other between women as I can see it happen between men.
My perspective of the world is also marked from years of investment banking and more than a decade of M&A business leadership: both areas with male predominance.
When I have started to work in this field, more than 15 years ago, women were rare. The financial sector was a typical playing field for men.
Those few women – interesting enough – were not creating coming solid ground in the sense of supporting each other, providing business opportunities for each other or exchanging best practices experiences. Nope – at least in Germany where I worked – on the contrary: they largely saw each other as competitors.
Years have gone by, more women are working in the financial business but still: I miss the cooperation. Men are doing better here, that’s at least my view.
Just have a look how they do business: one usual key factor of success for men is to go have a drink after meeting / office time with their potential business partners – and schwups: the deal is closed in between two beers.
Difficult to get in as a woman. But possible.
What I want to suggest?
I d love to more follow the idea that in particular we women should not view ourselves as competitors. It would be gorgeous to see a female counterpart who has a great idea, another beautiful skill or a smart solution simply as a mentor for ourselves. Someone who initiate a chance to grow within us.
Train your mind and make sure YOU manage your mind and he not you. Become creative when it comes to how to play the game of life.
And please my dear female friends here: let’s support other women – lift them up instead of down. To strengthen women’s right and life positions was always one key element for me and a major factor to become a lawyer.
Just recently, I was speaking with my (female) friends about one key difference between men and women: competition.
Ever wonder why you’re attracted to some people & triggered by others? It’s not happening by chance.
The people you’re attracted to may actually have qualities you desire, that you have yet to embody yourself. So look at them as an inspiration as to how you truly want to live.
If you seek connection outside, without first embodying it within yourself, then your source of connection is dependent of factors outside your control.
This not only gives your power away, but it is a setup for suffering.
Manage your mind, play the creative game of life and view the people you judge, or are triggered by, as your shadow trainer.
They reveal to you parts of yourself you have not yet come to accept & love. Or they present to you wounds you carry from past traumatic experiences that have not been properly processed.
To become the boss of your mind and use it as a great source of inspiration and creativity is the path to true freedom.
Think about it, don’t just follow my ideas – make your experiences and come to a conclusion for yourself. As someone else can never live your life and will never be able to make the experiences for you.
Lesson one: Never go hiking without a warm cap, gloves and another jacket, even when the mountain is “just” 1737m high and it’s spring time.
Lesson two: Weather can change rapidly and temperature might drop within minutes.
Lesson three: No matter what happens – keep the positive vibe as we are all energy and we attract what we believe in.
Lesson four: Adventure time is amazing and feeling the change from rain to snow to thunder and then the opening up of the sky high above the clouds is heart filling and makes you feel so alive.
Lesson five: Leaving for nature after Business time – that was for us after 6pm on that day – is time well spent.
Lesson six: A flash without a thunder sound on the top of the mountain is an experience (that I never made before that day) with which you feel electricity until the end of your hair lace (true).
Lesson seven: Deciding then at 7.30pm after snow fall, rain and thunderstorm to explore a new path down (night falls at 9.30am these days) is generally spoken a reasonable decision when official walking down time is estimated with an hour.
Lesson eight: It all comes different in life than planed and getting “lost” under these circumstances might become challenging – we found ourselves 1.5h after at another peak.
Lesson nine: Crapping with your hands in the mud to climb over wet steep roots and stones makes you feel alive too.
Lesson ten: Don’t think of what might terribly happen to you (we are what we believe in) but try keeping your mind calm by enjoying the cloudy evening sky opening up showing the magic and beauty of life. Same feeling when you finally reach the first village at 10.30pm even when your car is still a 10km distance away.
Life is uncertainty. It is a lottery game, because none of us knows what will happen and only a fool thinks he is “safe” in life.
As long as you are alive, you just cannot be “safe”. You are „safe“ only when you are in the grave. Before that it is not possible.
Where should “security” come from? There are illnesses, death, your partner can die, the bank can go bankrupt, you can lose your job or become paralyzed in an accident.
The misconception that you can get “security” is the real problem. Because nobody, really nobody in this world can make “security” possible.
Life and death belong together. It is like breathing in and breathing out, like light and darkness, like love and hate.
If you want an alive man, you have to take risks. Such a man is „dangerous“. Maybe he will fall in love with another woman and leave you? But if you are alive too, you can also fall in love with someone else. This is exactly how life is: it simply ignores morality and law.
Only over „death“ you can have control. You are then also easier to control: maybe you are in a “dead” marriage and have everything else – a middle-class house, a well-filled bank account, a car, children, a great job … all this might looks like “security” for your neighbor. Maybe you yourself have the feeling that this is the “security” you always wanted … but is it really true? Do you feel alive?
Security in life is not provided for us by the universe. The just mentioned things are only pleasantnesses, which can come and go. And that from today and tomorrow.
The only “security” we have is uncertainty and smart is the one who can enjoy it. Because if you embrace uncertainty, something wonderful happens: it will disappear.
Sounds paradoxical – but the whole life is paradoxical!
You might then not feel safer, but there will be less worries and fears in your life. And this is the beginning of an exciting journey towards more curiosity and excitement about what the next day will bring.
And that is exactly what will keep you alive. And that’s important because there are already so many people who have stopped living before their natural death. They have stopped listening to the music of life, dancing instead of walking, and recognizing the beauty in small things. Yet our life is best lived totally and intensely – as if you wanted to extract all the nectar from every moment without losing a single drop.
Remove yourself from the idea that the right decision is only a right decision if it leads to immediate gain. In life, it is often the detours, the obstacles and difficulties that make us grow and bring us to our inner strength. From them we learn to be the person we have always wanted to be.
It is no use waiting for the right moment, because it does not exist.
Waiting for it would only lead to you waiting all your life but not getting into action.
Whether it is the right decision, you will not know at the moment of decision. But what does “right” decision mean? Whether you get a job with even more money? Whether it is the trip to France? The conversation with your partner about a difficult topic? The decision to move into another town?
What if it’s not so much the right decision that matters, but rather the fact that you can have a variety of different experiences in your life, and thus also experiences at all? That you can allow yourself to be sad and to feel happy. That you are allowed to lose or fail, as well as to be successful? To the fact that it is your life and that you can take the time to realign the compass of your life’s path? That you are allowed to feel how things really are in an environment that was unknown to you until then?
None of these decisions is good or bad. Stop evaluating and judging. Every single one of these decisions will bring you a little further on the path to your inner strength and to your desired life.
And just because you decided for or against something today, doesn’t mean you are bound to it for the rest of your life.
What is important is that you act and that you finally start running instead of waiting.
Only then will you find the right path for you personally.
How else will you find out whether the direction is the right or the wrong one for you? Only to test and to actually live a decision will bring you further.
My impression is that most people, once asked, assume that fear has its origin in external factors. They refer to the deep black of the night they are afraid of, to potential diseases that could afflict them, to the fear of death, which although so inevitable is best tabooed, and so much more.
What if the fear as described above, however, does not originate in the outside, but in our mind? If fear ultimately finds itself in our aggressive thoughts, in our resentment and our complaining. And yes, we all have those moments at least now and then – that’s human.
I love to exchange ideas with people. Best bilaterally, because conversations are then allowed to go deeper, intimacy emerges. And best are conversations during an activity, like making sports, embarking on an unknown adventure or creating art together. If I listen to my conversation partner and, of course, to myself, I notice how often – even unconsciously – we talk in negative terms. What typically follows is encouragement, empathy, pity and similar „responses“.
Last year I stopped consuming news, newspapers and the like. I still have in mind that they are full of dramaturgy – the game with fear creates attention, it is contagious and likes to take over.
An important point in this context: Our mind works with projections. The world we see is always a re-action to our thinking.
This realization was a game changer for me. THE WORLD WE SEE IS ALWAYS A REACTION TO OUR THINKING.
If we have aggression and negativity in us, we live in the sense that the world is attacking us in turn. We are in defense mode. The world is seen as threatening and that puts us in fear mode. And the fear can then manifest itself in really anything for that very person: the darkness of the night, the uncertainty of the future, potential killer viruses, the greed of people, the infidelity of a partner, the fear of being abandoned … – the list is unfortunately limitless.
So, where does fear originate now? In us, in our inner being, in our mind.
Further, as corny as it sounds: the opposite pole to fear is love.
Love and fear are mutually exclusive. They cannot exist at the same time. It is always either or. I cannot meet the world with an enthusiasm for the unknown, an embrace of the new, and at the same time remain in fear of exactly the same.
The love of life with all its edges – the all-embracing love – is meant with the expression „love“. With this kind of love we can naturally grow beyond ourselves. With it we manage to approach the situations and adversities of life and the people around us creatively and openly. With this we see life as a big stage on which we can only learn, only win (even if it may temporarily look like a loss). Life is a great adventure.
We may then be also able to understand that life is nothing to be a afraid of.